Silence In The Night
by purplepagoda
Summary: When the unthinkable happens. When a psychopath makes good on his threats, can they solve the crime before it's too late. What happens when it's one of their own? Can Jane figure it out before it's too late? Or will her judgement be clouded?
1. Nightmare

She sits in the corner of the room, paralyzed by fear. She holds her knees to her chest and rocks back and fourth. The light's are bright overhead, even though it's the middle of the night. The house is quiet, except for the ceiling fan over head. She listens carefully.

A door opens, and she hears footsteps. She closes her eyes, and flinches.

"Maura? Where are you?" a familiar voice calls out. She stares at her painted toenails. She doesn't answer, she doesn't move, she doesn't even breathe. She just listens to the sound of boots clicking on her floor. The individual stops in her doorway.

Jane stares at the scene in front of her. She surveys the room. She takes a moment and tries to figure out how to allow the detective, and the friend in her, to work in a perfect balance. She takes a look at Maura, and leaps into action.

She takes a breath, and pulls back her hair. She moves toward Maura. Maura watches her feet as she approaches. Jane crouches down. "I'm not going to touch you. I know that you feel... Maura I need you to disconnect from this, for a little while. I'm going to take you to the hospital. Come on," Jane coaches.

Maura's eyes meet hers. She pushes herself off the ground, and follows Jane out of the room. She follows her out of the house, into her car.

At the ER Maura is ushered into an exam room. Jane makes a couple of phone calls while they wait. She stands outside the room. Maura hears the tail-end of a conversation. "I don't care, just do it," Jane answers. She hangs up the phone, and goes into the room. Maura looks at her, not saying a word. Finally the sexual assault nurse examiner comes into the room.

"I should leave," Jane suggests.

Maura doesn't say anything. She simply shakes her head once. Jane remains in the seat against the wall. She waits patiently as the nurse performs her exam. Over an hour later the nurse leaves the room. Maura says nothing the entire time.

Maura sits on the exam table in blue hospital-issue scrubs. Jane gets up from her seat and approaches Maura. Jane finds it hard to look at Maura. Finally she reaches her. Slowly, and carefully her hand moves towards Maura's face. She carefully tucks her hair behind her ear. "Do you want a hair tie?" Jane asks. Maura responds with a nod. Jane pulls a hair tie off her wrist, and hands it to Maura. Maura takes it, and places it in her hair.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Maura shakes her head.

"Do you need anything?"

Another headshake. This time, the wall falls. Maura is no longer able to keep the floodgates closed. A single tear falls down her cheek. Jane doesn't say anything, know that nothing she could say would fix it, or make it better. Instead, she simply hugs Maura as she cries. She quickly begins sobbing uncontrollably. Jane steps away for a moment. She grabs a box of tissues off the counter, and hands them to Maura.

"I'm sorry," Jane tells her.

No response.

"You know that there needs to be a statement, when you're ready," Jane adds.

She takes a deep breath, through tears she finally breaks her silence, "It was him," she says weakly.

"Who?" Jane questions.

"It was Hoyt," Maura replies through tears.

Jane's eye's widen. She doesn't question it, she doesn't say anything. She pulls her phone out of her pocket, and types furiously on the keypad. She hits send, and returns her attention to her friend.

"I'm sorry," Maura says.

"Sorry? For what? You didn't do anything wrong. Why would you be sorry?"

"I... I..." she stutters.

"Shh! It's ok. You didn't do anything wrong," Jane reassures her.

Maura looks away.

"I'm here. I know this is hard. I know that you're scared. But I need you to listen," Jane begins.

Maura turns her head to look at Jane. She says nothing, but her facial expression reads, 'what?'.

Jane continues, "I'm here for you. I'm not going anywhere. I know that you don't want to close your eyes, I know that you're afraid of what you're going to see when you do, but you need to get some sleep. Even if it's just for a few minutes. I know you don't want to, but if you don't try, you'll never get any rest."

"I can't," she answers solemnly.

"Try. No one is going to get close to you."

"He's..." she trails off.

"I won't show any mercy this time."

Maura nods, and closes her eyes. Jane's vibrating phone keeps Maura from going into a deep sleep. She begins to dream. Jane is on the phone with Frost when she notices Maura sweating, and her body becoming rigid.

"Frost I've got to go," Jane hangs up.

She immediately moves over to Maura. She doesn't touch her. She simply begins talking.

"Maura it's me. It's Jane. Wake up. Wake up Maura."

Maura's eyes pop open. She stares up at Jane in utter horror.

"I'll never stop having them will I?"

"I can't say," Jane answers.

"Have you?"

Jane shakes her head.

"You believe me, don't you?"

"Of course."

"I..."

"Maura I know he was there," Jane reassures her."Is he..." she begins breathing rapidly.

"I don't know where he is. It doesn't matter, he's not going to get near you."

"But..."

"There are two uni's outside the door," Jane reveals.


	2. Terror

She opens her eyes, and looks around the room. It takes her a minute to realize where she is. Jane notices her sense of panic immediately.

"Hey I'm right here," she assures her .

Maura looks around the room, and finds Jane sitting in an armchair next to her bed. She vaguely recalls checking into the hotel. She takes deep breath. The room is quiet.

"What time is it?" she questions.

"Four," Jane answers.

"Four..."

"AM," Jane reveals, "Try to go back to sleep. I know you're exhausted."

"I don't think I can," she answers.

"I know it's hard..."

"Jane I can't go back to sleep. I... I keep seeing him. I keep reliving it."

"Talk to me," Jane begs.

"I can't," Maura answers going numb.

The room is filled with silence as Maura rolls over in the bed. Jane sits in the chair, and watches Maura closely. After a few minutes Maura's breathing slows, as she falls back to sleep. Jane was used to not sleeping. She could go weeks with no sleep. Maura hadn't gotten to that point yet, but she would.

But sleep holds no peace for Maura, instead it holds terror. When she begins her REM sleep, she goes back. She's right back to her nightmare. A nightmare that was reality. A reality that no one should ever have to face.

_It was late. She was in a deep sleep. Suddenly, she felt uneasy. Her eyes popped open, and her chest rose, and fell rapidly, in an attempt to catch her breath. She looked around her room. The room was empty. She glanced at the alarm clock sitting on the bedside stand next to her. She looked at the door. It was gaping open. Outside the door she could only see darkness. The room was silent, except for her breathing._

_She sat up in bed, the room unchanging. Her heart was galloping against her chest. She could see nothing, but she felt something. She could feel darkness surrounding her. She could feel a malevolence lingering nearby. The air around her felt thick with a sense of terror. She swallowed hard and under the covers. She closed her eyes, hoping that her feelings were irrational, that she was wrong. It was Jane who had intuition, not her._

_Her heart continued to pound, and her breathing was still heavy. She could swear that she heard a noise, but she didn't dare open her eyes. Then she smelled something. The smell of...evil, and cheap soap. She didn't move. She laid frozen. Her body laid rigid under the covers. Her toes curled, and her hands balled into fists. She could feel someone hovering over her, but she couldn't force her eyes to open. She couldn't force her mouth to open, for her to scream. She couldn't force herself to move, or to react. _

_Then she felt it. She felt a cold blade tickle her throat. She didn't move. She couldn't. Without opening her eyes she knew that he was there. She could see his reptilian smile without opening her eyes even the slightest. He was there. The silence in the room was quickly broken._

_"It's not any fun if you pretend that you're sleeping," an evil voice tells her. _

_Her eyes open. He was there, she wasn't imagining things. He stands next to the bed. In in hand he grips a scalpel. He held it against her neck. He stroked her cheek with the other hand. "I can tell I'm going to have much more fun with you than I ever could with Jane," he smiles. _

_She stared at him. Finally she was able to speak, "Why me?" she questioned. She braced herself for what was about to happen. He flipped on the lamp. He sat on the bed next to her, removing his scalpel from against her neck. _

_"That hurts my feelings. You should feel lucky that I chose you," he answered._

_"I'll feel lucky when I'm performing your autopsy," she replied._

_"I doubt that you'll get that pleasure."_

_"Are you going to answer my question?"_

_"I want you to have the pleasure of knowing what it feel's like for someone to cut into you," he answered._

_He didn't allow her time to respond. He straddles her, and holds the scalpel to her neck. She turned her head. He nicked her intentionally. Her head turned. She closed her eyes. She felt the scalpel move. The scalpel is replaced by fingers. He laced his fingers around her neck. _

_"I want your eyes open," he insisted. _

She jerks into a sitting position. She's drenched in sweat. She looks around the room, and finds Jane sitting next to her. Jane stares at her. "Maura..."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"You have to talk to someone," she answers.

"No, I can't," she answers as her mind takes her back to that night. Jane watches as her eyes glaze over.

_Her joints loosened, and her fists unclenched. Her eyes moved, and her fingers acted quickly. She grabbed the scalpel lying next to her in bed. She quickly, and precisely sticks it between his ribs._

_His reaction surprised her. He pulls the scalpel from his intercostal space. He looked at her right hand. She flinched, expecting him to thrust the scalpel into the palm of her hand. Instead he embedded it into the wall behind her. "I admire your work," he snarled. _

_"You never would have made a good surgeon," she answered, "You think too much."_

_"Shh!"_

_She realized that the warmth on her cheeks was from tears. That the tears were stinging her cheeks as they flowed from her eyes. But he didn't hesitate. He didn't stop, or think twice. _

It's like sitting on the train tracks, staring at the headlights. You know it's coming. You know that you can't stop it, and that you have nowhere to go. That nothing you do can save you from the horror that you're about to face. You try as the train nears to do something, but your efforts are futile. You pray for a miracle, but you know that it will be over soon. The difference is when you get hit by a train, you usually don't live to tell about it. The pain is excruciating, and unbearable for a few brief moments, but then it's gone. It's all gone.

_He pulled the scalpel out of the wall. He was straddling her, there was nowhere for her to go. He pinned her left hand down. Instead of pinning it to the bed with a scalpel he meticulously carves his initials into it. She felt sharp pain radiating from her palm up her arm. All the color drained from her face as he carefully placed the scalpel on the bedside stand. _

_With blood trickling down her arm she thrust the heel of her hand into his nose. He wiped his bloody nose on his arm. She just wanted it to end. To open her eyes, and realize it was a dream, a terrible dream. _

_But she couldn't wake up. She couldn't control the pain. She could do nothing. She tried to push him off, but it only made it worse. She wanted him off of her. She wanted him out of her, but no matter what she did she couldn't make it stop. She was completely powerless. Something she struggled with as she fought for each breath. A feeling she wanted to end. _


	3. A New Day

_Finally it was over. She shook. Before leaving he touched her face. He pushed stands of hair off her face. She flinched. "I'll be back," he promised in a whisper. He left. She finally quit shaking. She pulled the thousand count Egyptian cotton pillow case off the pillow under her head. She wrapped it around her hand. She kicked the covers off her body. She tried to ignore the blood all over the sheets. Finally she was able to move. She crawled out of bed onto the floor. She grabbed the phone off the bedside table. She crawled to the corner of the room. She pulled her knees to her chest. _

_She took a deep breath. She pushed a few numbers on the keypad of her phone. She smeared blood on the screen of the iphone. She pulled it against her ear. After two rings the voice on the other end answered._

_"Hello?" Jane answered._

_Maura said nothing._

_Across town Jane wiped sleep from her eyes. She looked at the screen of her phone. "Maura?"_

_Again there was no response. "Maura are you ok?"_

_Maura didn't reply. Jane listened to the noise in the background. She heard sniffles, and sobs. "Maura answer me!" Jane demands. "Maura what happened? Are you ok?"_

_Finally she elicited a response, "No," Maura whispered into the phone at barely audible level. _

_"I'm on my way," Jane promised as she slipped her shoes on at her door. _

Jane doesn't say anything. Maura looks through her friend. Behind Jane is a plate glass window. Maura stares out the window as the sun comes up. Jane tries not to let Maura see the rage swirling around inside of her. She stares at her friend not in pity, but understanding. She tries not to stare at the dressing on her hand, or bruises beginning to form on her neck. She tries not to notice the look of terror in Maura's eyes. But she can't help it.

"There is nothing anyone can say or do to make this better. I know that, but I'm going to everything that I can to put him in the ground."

Maura doesn't answer.

Jane continues, "I know that you don't like revenge but..." before Jane can answer there is a knock on the door. Jane un-holsters her gun, and jumps up out of her seat in one swift motion. She's to the door in two quick steps. She looks through the peephole. On the other side she finds Frost. She unchains the door, and he steps in.

"We found him."

"Where?"

"In his cell," Frost answers.

"What?"

"His whereabouts for the last eight to ten hours are unknown. He wasn't in his cell. He wasn't anywhere."

"You're telling me that he got out, and no one knew?"

"They knew."

"How did he just slip out? It's maximum security prison?"

"I don't know. He's in isolation right now."

"Unbelievable," Jane comments.

There is another knock on the door. Jane opens the door for Korsak. He hands her two cups of coffee and a bag of doughnuts. He also hands her a bag. He and Frost, then excuse themselves.

Jane turns around and finds that Maura isn't in bed. Panic courses through her blood just like adrenaline.

"Maura where are you?" Jane calls out.

"I'm in the bathroom," Maura replies.

"Oh. If you need anything let me know," Jane responds.

"I need clean clothes," Maura answers.

"I've got your clothes right here."

"You've got _my_ clothes?"

"Yeah Frost just stopped by with them."

"Frost picked out my clothes?"

"No. I told him exactly what to take." Jane grabs the bag, and heads to the bathroom. She knocks on the door.

"You can come in," Maura answers. Jane opens the door. She finds Maura standing at the sink staring at herself in the mirror. Jane doesn't say a word. She does into the bedroom and rips the sheet off the bed. She grabs thumbtacks off a tiny corkboard sitting on the table in the room. She returns to the bathroom. She climbs onto the counter. Maura doesn't question her as she tacks the sheet over the mirror.

"I need a shower," Maura tells her.

"If you're not done in fifteen minutes I'm going to come in an forcibly remove you," Jane warns.

"I'll..."

"Don't scrub your skin off."

"I have to..."

"You can't. No matter how hard you try. But if you scrub your skin off you're just going to make yourself more miserable."

"I don't know..."

"Maura I know how hard this is."

"I'm never going to be able to get over this am I?"

"If anyone could it would be you."

"You're stronger than I am and..."

"I'll let you take a shower," Jane answers, leaving the room.

Eventually Maura comes out of the bathroom. She's not wearing any make-up, and her hair is still damp. She wears a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. Jane sits at the table reading a magazine. Maura takes the seat on the other side of the table.

"How long?"

"How long what?" Jane responds.

"How long until I sleep through the night again?"

"I don't know," she shrugs.

"How long..."

"I'll let you know."

"You mean after all this time you still don't?"

"If I get three hours a night I'm lucky. It usually takes me six hours to get three hours of sleep. Two to fall asleep, and one attempting to go back to sleep. Occasionally I might get four."

"Oh."

"That's not what you wanted to hear?"

"I was just hoping there was light at the end of the tunnel."

"Eventually you have other dreams."

"Instead of..."

Jane shakes her head, "In addition to. Usually mine run together. I'll be dreaming something completely normal, and then it turns into a nightmare."


	4. Anniversary

She blinks, trying to rid herself of tears. She sits on the edge of her bathtub in her bathrobe. She stares at her hands. They tremble as the palms face the ceiling. She stares at the scar on her left hand. Now she understood. She understood why Jane tried not to look at her hands. It was just a patch of imperfect skin, but it was a daily reminder. A reminder of a feeling of terror that no one should ever have to experience.

The phone on the bathroom counter begins to vibrate. She returns to reality. She stands up, and quickly wanders over to the phone. She grabs the phone off the counter. She doesn't bother looking at the screen, she just answers.

"Hello?"

"Where are you?" A familiar voice questions.

"I'll be there soon."

"Where did you go? One minute you were here, and then you were gone."

"I..."

"Don't tell me that you went home to shower again."

"Sorry."

"Maura...tomorrow,"

"You say that everyday."

"I mean it. Tomorrow you are going to sit down with a therapist. The way that you're dealing with this is not healthy."

"What do you want me to say?"

"Just hurry up," Jane hangs up in irritation.

Hours later Jane goes into the morgue. She slips in quietly. Maura doesn't look up.

"Why do you have to tiptoe around everywhere?"

"Maura I'm a cop, being quiet is part of the job."

"Well..."

Jane answers before Maura can finish her sentence, "I know, I need to try not to sneak up on people."

"Exactly. Do you need something?" Jane asks as she reaches for a scalpel.

"I was wondering if you're up for dinner."

"I'm getting ready to open this guy up," she replies.

"Can you make it snappy? I'm hungry."

"Can you wait an hour?"

"It's only going to take an hour?"

Maura holds the scalpel. Jane immediately notices that her hand is shaking.

"Why don't we eat, and then you can do your... thing?"

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"Why not?"

"I just don't," she admits.

"Your reason?"

"I don't know. It's going to rain, don't you think?"

Jane glances at her own hand for a millisecond, "It's going to pour, what's your point? Since when have you ever been bothered by rain?"

"I just..."

"If you don't want to go just say so."

"It's not that."

"So what then?"

"I'm just not hungry."

"Not hungry or..."

"Jane," she groans.

"Fine, but if you need me I'll be having dinner... alone."

"Now you're trying to make me feel guilty."

"Is it working?"

"You're being very childish right now?"

"Not to try to play on...," she redirects, "Doesn't it ever bother you to be down here all by yourself with all these dead bodies, late at night?"

"First of all it's not late at night," Maura checks her watch, "It's seven thirty, and it's not the dead that I worry about."

"So what's the answer to the dinner question?"

She lays the scalpel aside. "Fine," she agrees.

The following morning Jane meet's Maura in the morgue. Jane places two cups on Maura's desk. Maura doesn't look up from the computer.

"I brought you something," Jane starts the conversation.

Maura looks over at her. "Coffee?"

"You can have mine," she offers.

"What did you bring me?"

"Hot chocolate. You were just saying yesterday how you felt in the mood for hot chocolate."

"Thank you," Maura takes the cup. She pulls the cup to her lips, but before she can take a drink she catches a whiff. She slams the cup back down on the counter.

"Something wrong?" Jane questions.

Maura doesn't reply. She jumps out of her seat.

"Are you ok? You don't look so good," Jane comments noting that all color has drained from Maura's face.

Maura grimaces, "I don't think so," she admits. She rushes over to the sink. Jane jumps up. Acting quickly, grabbing her hair just before she vomits into the sink. After heaving, Maura takes a moment to catch her breath. She grips the side of the stainless steel sink. Jane steps away. She empties the cups into another sink, and rinses them out. She tosses them in the garbage.

Maura returns to her seat, after rinsing her mouth out. Jane watches her closely.

"You want me to get you some mouthwash?"

"No I've got a toothbrush, and some mouthwash in my purse."

"Do you always carry a toothbrush, and mouthwash?"

"Uh... sometimes."

"What's going on?"

"Nothing, I'm fine," her cheeks redden.

"Don't lie. You're not good at it," Jane warns.

"I should finish my report..."

"Yeah, I'll head out."

Maura doesn't argue.

Twenty minutes later Jane is sitting at her desk. She finds herself staring at her desk calendar. She taps her pen on the desk.

"Something on your mind?" Frost questions from the other side of the desk.

"I should have known," she jiggles her leg.

"Known what?"

"Look at the date," she answers.

He looks at the date.

"So?"

"Three months to the day," she answers.

He takes another look at the date.

"She's acting weird?"

"-er than usual? Yeah," Jane nods.

"So..."

Jane takes a moment to think. Something pops into her head, "I've gotta go."

"Where?"

"Don't worry about it."


	5. The Neverending Story

Jane races to the elevator. When she gets off the elevator she practically runs into the morgue. She nearly runs into Maura.

"Where's the fire?"

Jane grabs Maura's upper arms. She looks at her for a moment. "Sit," she insists, pushing Maura toward her usual seat. Maura rolls her eyes, and takes a seat.

"What's going on?"

"I was trying to do some work when you came down here in a state of panic."

"I just wanted to see how you're doing."

"I'm fine."

"No you're not."

"Why are you so insistent on something being wrong with me?"

"Because there is."

"What? I'd love to hear what's wrong with me."

"First of all, you refuse to talk to anyone."

"I talk to you."

"You know what I mean."

"What is your point?"

"I... I'm concerned," Jane admits.

"With what?"

"About you."

"Jane there is nothing to be concerned about."

"I disagree."

"Why?"

"How are you feeling?"

"Jane what is it that you're trying to find out? Wouldn't it be easier if you just come out, and ask whatever it is that's on your mind?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Maura," Jane purses her lips.

"Jane."

"You don't have to pretend to be ok. I know that you're not."

"I..."

"I know that you're questioning everything that you've ever believed in. Your very foundation has been shaken. You doubt yourself even when doing things that you've done a million times. I understand that. It's me. Talk to me."

"What do you want me to say?"

"The truth."

"You want me to admit that I feel like my world is crumbling around me, that I feel broken, and I don't know how, or if I can pick up the pieces?"

"Yeah."

"That no matter what I do, or try to do, nothing makes it better, nothing makes me feel better. Nothing I say can fix it."

"I know that."

"So why are you badgering me?"

"Some may call you the queen of the dead."

"Who calls me that?"

"Not important."

"Your point?"

"I think that you're the queen of denial. You deny your feelings. You deny things that are right in front of you. You do it because you think that it's easier than dealing with them."

"So?"

"It doesn't always work. Denying doesn't make it not so. Denying it doesn't make it go away, or make it change."

"I know."

"Maura..."

"Huh?" she responds.

Jane can see that Maura is ready to breakdown, but decides to push anyway. "How long?" she questions.

"How long what?"

"Since you've gotten any sleep?"

"I don't know."

"Yes you do," Jane argues.

"I fell asleep for a while last night."

"How long?"

"Maybe two hours."

"Before that?"

"Maybe two hours a night for the last..." she takes breath.

"For the last?"

"Month."

"How long?"

"How long what?"

"You know what I'm getting at."

"No I don't," she denies.

"Why haven't you been sleeping? You can't tell me it's all because of the dreams."

"It's not."

"You're not afraid of being alone are you?"

"No. I'm over it. I know that it's out of my control."

"Earlier today you didn't act surprised when you got sick. It was as if you were expecting it. Have you been sick lately?"

"I..." Maura shakes her head, and looks at her shoes. She tries not to cry, but the tears fall anyway. "It's like a nightmare that won't end, and it just keeps getting worse. I may be the queen of denial, but... you can only deny some things for so long."

"Maybe..."

"There are a lot of things that it could be."

"Obviously something in particular sticks out to you."

She simply nods, the tears stream down her face. Jane envelopes her in a hug. She pets her hair. Maura clings to Jane for all she's worth. She clings to Jane, as if she's the only person who can save her.

"Didn't they..."Jane can't even finish the question before Maura answers.

"It's only seventy five percent effective."

"I..."

"I can't... I don't... I want to go home," she admits.

"A shower won't help."

"I don't want a shower. I just want to curl up into a ball, and die."

"You can't."


	6. Waitin on Two Pink Lines

"I keep thinking that if I don't do anything that it won't be real."

"Meaning?"

"I don't know, but not knowing...it doesn't help."

"Why don't we find out?"

"I'm too scared. I'm afraid that I'm right... I know that I'm right, and it terrifies me," she admits.

"What do you want me to do?"

Maura turns around, and points to a metal cabinet against the wall, "Go get into that cabinet."

Jane walks to the other side of the room. She opens the door on the stainless steel cabinet. She doesn't need further instruction. She searches the shelves until she finds what she's looking for. She grabs two boxes. She closes the cabinet and ushers Maura out of the room. She follows her into the bathroom. Jane situates herself on the counter of the bathroom. She opens the boxes, and hands the contents to Maura.

"Why did you get two?"

"I know it would take more than one to convince you of anything. Wait have you peed yet this morning?"

"No. I take it you've done this before?"

"More times than I'd like to admit."

"How many?"

Jane's face scrunches as she thinks, "Three," she answers, "You?"

"This would be the first time."

"Really?"

"Yes," she answers.

Maura steps out of the stall. Jane takes them from her.

"Three at once?"

"No," Jane shakes her head, "Three separate occasions."

"When?"

"The first one I took my first year of college. The second I took a few weeks after my twenty first birthday. And the third I took... when I was twenty-five."

"Nothing recent?"

"Nope."

"So how did they turn out?"

"How do you think?"

"I don't know," she shrugs.

"They turned out negative. You don't want to talk about the possibility do you?"

"Nope. I don't want to think about it."

"You should think about what..." Jane begins.

Maura cuts her off, "What would you do?"

"In your situation?"

"Just in general."

"I don't know what I'd do in your situation. I don't think that anyone is ever completely prepared but..."

"But?"

"I would have done it."

"But what if you were in my situation?"

"Maura I don't know what I would do. I'm not in your situation, and you usually don't like hypotheticals."

"I want to know what you would do if you were in my situation."

"I don't know. Knowing what I know... I don't think that I could do it. No matter how innocent..." her voice cracks, "I don't think I could."

"I think it's been..." Maura looks at her watch, and then to the Jane.

"Yeah," Jane nods. Jane looks down at the counter. She grabs a paper towel, and collects everything on the counter. She tosses it all into the garbage can.

"That is not an answer. I need to know."

"They're only..."

"Jane don't. Just tell me."

Jane takes a breath, she feels tears form in her eyes, "I can't," she shakes her head.

"I can handle it. Whatever it says."

"Don't lie. I know that I couldn't, and..."

"Jane just tell me."

"Maura... I can't."

"Why not?"

"Even if I'm just the messenger I don't want to do it. I don't want to be the one responsible for telling you that..." she pauses.

Maura goes numb, "Just say it."

"Maura I'm sorry," she wipes away tears from her eyes before they fall.

"You're sorry?" Maura's heart sinks.

"I wish that I could tell you differently. I wish that I could tell you everything is fine. I don't want to tell you the truth. I don't want to tell you that everything you've gone through this far, is nothing when compared to what you're going to have to go through."

"I'm pregnant."

"It's not fair. I just..."

Maura turns away.

"Maura look at me," Jane insists.

Maura turns around. Tears stream down her face. She leans against the counter for support. "For once in my life I wanted to be wrong. I prayed that I was wrong. I thought that... I don't know what I thought. I started feeling dizzy, and I just brushed it off. Then I thought that I was late because of all the stress, and that I was nauseous because..." she covers her mouth.

"Are you going to be sick?"

"Not physically," she answers. "I thought that I could get rid of him somehow. I thought I could wash him off me. That I could sleep in the guest room, and it would help. I thought that I could forget. I thought that the scar would heal, and I would be able to forget. Now, no matter what I do I'm never going to be able to forget. I'm going to remember that night for the rest of my life. I'm never going to be able to put it in the back of my mind. Now I have to deal with the fact that I'm carrying the spawn of Satan. And no matter what I decide, there is no right answer. No matter what I do I'm going to feel guilty. No matter what..." Maura trails off.

"You've got to remember that no matter what you've been through, or what you're going to have to go through, you are still you. You're the same person you've always been. You're stubborn, and strong, and you're going to get through this."

Maura sobs, "How?"

"I'll help you figure it out."

"You are the best friend that I could have ever asked for, but there's only so much you can do for me. You can't fix this one, and I don't know if I can either," she admits.


	7. The Reality in the Dream

She wakes up in a cold sweat. She gasps for air. She looks around the room. She realizes that she's not in her own house. She realizes that she's on someone's couch. She takes a deep breath and realizes where she is. She hears footsteps.

A figure appears in the dark. But she doesn't feel panic stricken, she feels slightly relieved. A light flips on. And Jane takes a seat on the coffee table.

"Are you ok?"

"Did I wake you?"

"I'm a light sleeper."

"I'm sorry."

"I couldn't help it. You were screaming in your sleep."

"Oh. I..."

"It's ok. Maura it's been a long day. Do you know why you're here?"

"Not really," she admits.

"What do you remember?"

"I remember going into work this morning."

"That's it?"

"Yeah," she nods, "How did I get here? Why am I staying with you. Why does my head hurt so much?"

"This is going to end badly."

"How long have I been asleep?"

"On and off for the last six hours."

"Why? What happened?"

"When we were at work you told me that you didn't feel very good."

"My head is killing me," she responds.

"You got dizzy, and before I could do anything you fell, and hit your head. You smacked your forehead on the countertop."

"I've got a concussion?"

"Yes," Jane nods, "You really scared me. You hit your head, and then threw up. Then you passed out."

"I'm sorry."

"You've had a rough day to say the least."

"I'll say."

"Do you want to take something?" Jane looks at her watch, "You can have another one it's been four and a half hours."

"Please," she answers.

Jane goes into the kitchen and gets the prescription strength ibuprofen. She gets a bottle of water out of the fridge, and then returns to the living room. She hands the water and the pill to Maura.

"What are you giving me?"

"It's just ibuprofen."

"Ok," Maura takes the pill.

"How much of today do you remember?"

"I don't know," she admits.

"Great. That means I get to relive it with you."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"It wasn't so great the first time."

"Meaning?"

"I had to tell you something that no one should ever have to hear."

"Can it wait?"

"Maura I think that I should tell you now."

"Ok."

"You really don't remember?"

"I don't know," she shrugs.

"How are you feeling?"

"Nauseous," she admits.

Jane points to the floor. "There's a trashcan if you need it."

"You anticipate that I'm going to get sick?"

"You do have two strikes against you."

"Two?"

"The head injury, and the other thing."

"The other thing?"

"That was confirmed numerous times today."

"What do you mean?"

"You don't remember being in the hospital?"

"No."

"We went to the hospital, and they wanted to do an x-ray of your head to make sure that you didn't fracture your skull."

"I hit my head that hard?"

"Yes," she nods.

"What did they determine?"

"They didn't do an x-ray."

"Why not?"

"They decided to treat the head injury without an x-ray."

"Why?"

"Because of the blood test. They would have done a urinalysis, but you weren't conscious enough to supply one, so they had to do a blood test. Oh, and by the way I am now listed as your emergency contact."

"Why couldn't they do an x-ray?"

"Why do they usually do a urinalysis before an x-ray?"

"To determine if the patient is pregnant."

"Bingo."

"So why couldn't I have an x-ray?"

"You just told me why you couldn't."

"I..." she stops.

"You?"

"I thought that it was a dream."

"No, it's a real life nightmare," Jane replies.

"You're sure?"

"Yes," Jane nods.

"Oh."

"Is there another possible..."

Maura cuts her off, "No. There's not."

"Not even a remote possibility?"

"No."

"Maura I'm sorry."


	8. Waking Up

Jane walks into the room with a coffee hand. Korsak, and Frost look up from their desks. She slips into her chair. They don't take their eyes off of her.

"What?" she snarls.

"Nothing," Frost casts his eyes down onto his desk.

"Is Maura ok?" Korsak questions.

"Physically, or emotionally?"

"Physically," he replies.

"She's got a concussion, and she's probably going to have a nice bruise, but she'll be ok."

"Is she here?" Korsak wonders.

"No, she's still asleep on my couch."

"You look tired," Frost comments.

"Thanks sunshine," she growls.

"You didn't get much sleep?" Korsak approaches her desk.

She takes a swig of coffee, "She kept waking up. And of course being such a light sleeper, every time she moved I heard her."

"Does she know that you left?"

"She was awake for a while. She didn't feel that great this morning. She tried to convince me that she was well enough to come to work, but she couldn't..." Jane trails off.

"Couldn't what?"

"Nothing," she shakes her head.

"Jane what's going on?" Korsak asks in an accusatory tone.

"Don't worry about it," she replies.

"You don't think that she'll try to come to work do you?" Frost questions.

"No she's too out of it. She was sound asleep by the time I left. Besides every time she attempts to stand up she feels dizzy, so I don't think that she's going anywhere."

"You left her like that?" Korsak comments.

"I'm going home at lunch to check on her."

Jane's phone starts ringing. She answers it quickly. "Hello?"

"Jane..."

"Yes?"

"My barf pale is full."

"Reach under the coffee table. I put a spare under there."

Maura reaches under the coffee table and finds a bucket with a bag lining it, "Found it. Thanks."

"Do you need anything else?"

Maura looks around the room. "No everything I need is on the coffee table."

"Do you have enough water?"

"Jane you left me a gallon. I'm fine."

"Do you want me to come home?"

"I'm fine."

"If you need to get up call me."

"Ok," Maura agrees.

"I'll be by to check on you in a little while," she adds.

"K, bye," she hangs up.

Jane places the phone on her desk. She looks up and finds that Korsak is gone.

"Where did he go?" Jane asks.

"To get coffee."

"Is that really where he went or is that just where he wants me to believe he wants?"

"No, he went to get coffee."

"Ok," she agrees.

A few hours later they decide to take their lunch. Korsak, and Frost go out to grab a bite to eat. Jane heads home to check on Maura. She unlocks the door to her apartment, and steps in. She finds Maura sitting on the couch reading a magazine.

"Feeling better?" Jane wonders.

"I made it to the bathroom without falling down, passing out, or barfing."

"So you're making progress."

"I hate this."

"I know. Is there anything you want me to do for you? Empty your barf pales, maybe?"

"That would be great."

Without a word Jane brings the trashcan over. She ties the bags on the can and the bucket. She carefully lifts them into the kitchen trashcan. She then proceeds to tie the bag, and lift it out.

"Will you be ok, if I take this out?"

"I'll be right here when you get back," Maura admits.

Jane takes the trash to the dumpster, and then returns. She puts bags back in all of the cans, and the bucket.

"You don't have to check on me. I'm fine."

"You showered?"

"Yes," Maura responds.

"Without me here?"

"Yes."

"What if you had gotten dizzy."

"Jane I'm fine. You can't hold my hand all day. You have to work. I've just got to suck it up."

"You don't have to suck it up."

"What do you want me to do?"

"Whatever you want, but you don't have to be miserable."

"I am, and you can't change that."

"No, but you can."

"I know."

"So are you going to?"

"I don't know Jane. I'm trying not to think about it."

"I know, but you have to. Just because you don't want to think about it, doesn't mean it's not real. You can't just avoid thinking about it, and make it disappear. It won't work, no matter how much you want it to."

"I know that. I just I want this all to go away."

"I know."

"You should get back to work."

"Ok," she agrees.

Jane leaves. When she finally finishes work she heads straight home. Maura is waiting on her when she walks in the door.

"Are you going somewhere?"

"I want to go home."

"Ok, let's go."

"How am I going to get to work tomorrow?"

"You're not going to work tomorrow. You've got three days off because you have a head injury," Jane reminds her.

"I'm fine."

"Really? How much time did you spend throwing up this morning?"

"I don't know."

"You do know."

"Off and on four two and a half hours."

"Maura I'll take you home, if you promise not to do anything stupid. Don't try to drive, or come to work tomorrow."

"Fine," she crosses her arms.


	9. Picture

She sits in an exam room on her own. She waits, impatiently. Finally there is a knock on the door. The doctor steps into the room. He smiles at her as he holds her chart. He approaches her.

"How are you feeling?"

"Miserable," she admits.

"I got your lab work back. You're electrolyte levels are pretty low."

"I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that I can't stop throwing up."

"How far along are you?" he questions.

"Sixteen weeks and two days," she replies.

"I see."

"I would have been in sooner to see you, but it took me four weeks to get an appointment."

"I apologize."

"You had the shortest waiting list."

He places her chart on the counter. "Let's have a look, shall we?"

"If we must," she replies.

"It will only take a few minutes and then you can be on your way."

"Ok," she agrees.

Her body remains rigid as he squirts gel onto her abdomen. She watches his hands carefully. He stares at a screen. She goes numb as a familiar sound fills the room. He notices the tension.

"The baby is fine," he declares.

She doesn't respond. He freezes the image on the screen.

"You wanna take a look?"

"No," she answers coldly.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," she nods.

"You're still interested in terminating?"

"Yes," she answers trying to keep her emotions at bay.

"You're certain?"

"Yes," she repeats.

"There's nothing I can say to change your mind?"

"No. That's not your job."

"I know. I've read your medical history. But there is something I'd like to say, just something for you to think about. I don't know if it will help to know or not, but I think that you should know."

"Know what?"

He points to the screen. For a brief second she looks, but quickly casts her glance to the floor.

"Like I said I don't know how it will affect your decision, so I won't tell you if you don't want to know. I don't want to interfere with your sense of autonomy."

"What is it that you want me to know?"

"If you'd look at the screen you'd see," he answers.

"See what?" she questions as she turns to look at the screen.

"The gender of the baby."

"Oh," her voice cracks.

"Do you want to know?"

"I don't know that it's going to make my decision any easier."

"I don't either, but I always feel that in order to make a good decision you should have all of the facts," he points out trying to appeal to her sense of reason.

"Ok," she concedes.

"It's a girl, not a boy," he reveals.

She takes another look at the screen. He hands her a tissue. "You're expecting me to cry?"

"It's to wipe the gel off," he answers.

"Right," she nods.

"You're still nauseous?"

"Yes."

"I'd like to give you something to help you with that in the meantime."

"Ok," she agrees.

He leaves her. The nurse returns, and gives her a shot. Maura gets dressed, and leaves the doctor's office. The nurse attaches an extra copy of the sonogram pictures to her chart.

When Maura gets to work she finds Jane waiting on her in the morgue.

"Jane I'll get to the autopsy in a few minutes."

"I don't care about the autopsy. I mean I do, but... that isn't really why I'm here."

"Why are you here?"

"You know why I'm here," she answers.

"Jane I'm fine"

"You look tired," Jane answers.

"I don't sleep. You know that."

"How was your appointment?"

"Fine."

"Just fine?"

"Jane I'm fine."

"You've been saying that a lot lately. You can't keep repeating something and expect it to become true."

"I'm tired of not being ok."

"What happened at your appointment?"

"Standard stuff."

"Meaning?"

"I don't want to bore you with the details."

"I'm used to you boring me," she jokes.

"Where is your partner?"

"He and Korsak are having breakfast."

"You didn't want to go?"

"I ate before I went to the crime scene. You know that Frost can't eat when he has to look at a dead body."

"True."

"So are you going to tell me, or not?"

"Why do you have to badger me?"

"Because you'll implode if I don't."

"I got a shot," Maura admits.

"For what?"

"It's supposed to help with the nausea. I doubt that it will do anything, you know that nothing helps."

"You won't have to worry about it in a couple of days anyway."

"I know," Maura replies.


	10. Honesty

"Something's on your mind."

"What makes you think that?"

"You seem distant. Like you're saying something, and thinking something completely different."

"I'm not."

"So what are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking that I should have chosen a different doctor."

"Yours is a prick?"

"He's opposed to abortion."

"In all situations? He is aware of the situation, right?"

"Yes. He had his nurse present me with all these pamphlets about different options. The second she left the room I threw them away."

"So then you're locked into your decision?"

"Yes."

"That doesn't sound very convincing."

"I am," Maura reassures her.

"If you don't want to do it, you don't have to."

"I know."

"Maura what's bothering me?"

"Something he said."

"Who?"

"The doctor."

"What did he say?"

"He told me that he didn't want to effect my decision but he thought that I should have all the information before I made my decision."

"Did you tell him why you were doing it?"

"No."

"So what did he tell you?"

"He told me that he thought I should know the gender."

"What good is that going to do? That's just going to make it harder. Give it a gender, give it a name, take away your choice."

"It's a girl," Maura reveals coldly.

"I know."

"You know? You talked to the doctor?"

"No," Jane shakes her head, "I just know."

"How?"

"If I knew how I knew, I'd gladly reveal the secret to you."

"You couldn't know."

"Why do you think that?"

"Even if you believed in old wives tales..."

"Maura stop being self-conscious. No one knows. No one can tell, but me. You're not showing."

"So..."

"Maura words, you have to use words," Jane reminds her.

"He was trying to deter me."

"Did it work?"

"I don't know," she shrugs.

"Talk to me."

"This morning when I went in I was so sure of my decision, and now..."

"You're not?"

"You think that I'm crazy?"

"No. I think that you're human. You're curious. You have seen the role that genetics plays, first hand."

"I'm not like my father, am I?"

"No."

Maura takes a seat. She runs her hands through her hair. "Jane I don't know what to do."

"I'm not going to decide for you."

"You already know what I'm going to do, don't you?"

"I have an idea."

"How can you know what I'm going to do before I do it?"

"Because I know you."

"I am me."

"You can't see yourself as clearly as everyone else can."

"What do you think I'm going to do?"

"If I tell you then that's what you'll do."

"I don't know what to do. I need guidance."

"Maura you're the one who has to live with the decision."

"Charles Hoyt," she says under her breath.

"Yeah, you have to deal with that thought for the rest of your life. Do you really want to want someone to remind you of that everyday, for the rest of your life?"

Jane's phone starts ringing.

"Frost?" Maura questions.

"Yeah I should go."

"K," Maura agrees.

Jane leaves the morgue, and gets into the elevator. She pushes buttons until the doors close. The elevator kicks into motions, and Jane stares at her phone. She shakes her head.

"Maura why do you have to do this to yourself? You're going to have that baby, and then you'll never be able to let her go," Jane talks to herself.

When the elevator doors open Frost is waiting on her.

"You couldn't wait two seconds?"

"Is Maura..."

"She doesn't have the body open yet," Jane admits.

"Good then there's nothing to see."

"Let's get to work," Jane suggests as she begins to walk.

"Jane?"

"Barry?" she continues walking.

"Wait."

"What?" she stops in her tracks allowing him to catch up with her. She begins moving again. He gently takes a hold of her arm. "Wait," he repeats.

"Frost what is your problem?"

"I have to ask."

"Ask what?"

"What's going on?"

"What are you talking about?" Jane responds.

"With Maura?"

"You should ask her. Why? What do you think is going on?"

"Jane, don't play games with me. I am your partner."

"That doesn't mean that I can tell you other people's business."

"No, but I know that there is something you're not saying."

"You're losing it."

"Jane I'm not crazy."

"Why are you so concerned about Maura?"

"Since when is she the one that gets sick at crime scenes?"

"She had a serious head injury."

"It's not the head injury. Is it?"

"Frost what are you going on about?"

He shakes his head, "I would really appreciate if you could just be honest with me."

"Frost..."

"Jane I know."

"You know what?"

He looks at her and replies in a hushed tone, "She's pregnant, isn't she?"


	11. Broken Hearted

Jane just stares at him, not saying a word. Finally he breaks the silence.

"Are you going to answer me?"

"No. I'm not going to dignify that with a response."

"Because it's true?"

"What if it was?"

"She hasn't exactly been seeing anyone."

"What are you implying?"

"You know exactly what I'm implying."

"Tell me."

"It's Hoyt's," Frost accuses.

"Does it matter?"

"It does if she's going to have it. Is she?"

"I don't know," she admits.

"What do you mean?"

"Her doctor is an idiot."

"Meaning?"

"He told her that he thought that she should have all the information before she made her decision."

"Which would include what?"

"The fact that it isn't male."

"Oh."

"So now she..."

"You don't think that she'll go through with it?"

"Not a chance. I wish that she would. I wish she didn't feel like she could save the world, but I can't change that. I can't change her."

"Why do you two have to be so stubborn?"

"To drive you crazy."

"I wouldn't doubt it."

"You can't say anything to her about this."

"That's why I'm talking to you," he admits.

"Oh."

Jane slides into a booth. Maura sits on the other side of the table. She stares blankly at the table.

"Maura?"

"Huh?" she responds without looking up.

"Are you ok?"

"Just thinking," she admits.

"You're always thinking."

"I know."

"Maura..."

"You know I think I'm just going to head home. I'm not that hungry."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I'll see you tomorrow," she agrees.

Before falling asleep Jane finds herself thinking about Maura, trying to put herself in Maura's shoes. After a million different scenarios she finally falls asleep.

_Jane gets out of the car. It's daytime, and she's outside of Maura's house. She moves toward the door. She knocks. She waits a few seconds, but no one answers. She wraps her fingers around the door knob. It twists in her hand. She pushes the door open. She steps inside. It's eerily quiet._

_"Maura?" Jane calls out, but no one answers._

_She makes her way through the house. She stops in the living room. She stands in the center of the living room, just staring. She stares down at a playpen in the center of the room. A little girl with russet colored hear, and big hazel eyes stares up at Jane. She has a bow in the center of her head. She smiles from ear to ear. She wears a pink dress, and little white tights. _

_"Where is your mommy?"_

_"Up!" she smiles. Jane lifts the toddler out of the playpen onto her hip. "Let's go find your mommy," Jane suggests._

_"Bye-bye," she little girl chirps. _

_Jane walks out of the living room, into the hall. "Maura," she calls out. Jane walks into the nursery. She looks around the room, but doesn't find Maura. She holds onto the baby, and moves onto the next room. She peaks into the bathroom, but it's empty too. She then moves on to Maura's bedroom. She pushes the door open. The lights are on as she steps into the room. Jane looks around the room, but Maura is nowhere in sight. Jane stops at the foot of the bed. She looks down, and finds a note on the bed. She picks up the note and reads it to herself. In disbelief, she reads it a second time, out loud this time. _

_"Jane, I can't do this anymore. I wish that I could, but I can't. I'm leaving, and I won't be coming back. I can't look at her everyday for the rest of my life. I don't want that reminder everyday. She deserves more than me, a mother who resents her for existing. I love her, but it's not enough. Please take care of her."_

_Jane places the note on the bed. She sinks onto the floor, with the baby still in her arms. She leans up against the edge of the bed. She looks at the little girl on her lap. "Now what?" she asks._

_"Mommy?" the little girl questions. _

_She holds the baby close, kissing her head. "I don't know where your mommy went," she admits._

_"Bye bye?" _

_"Yeah she went bye bye," Jane answers trying not to cry. _

She jerks into a state of alertness. Her eyes pop open as she sits up in bed. She looks around the room. She realizes that she's in her bed, and it's just a dream. She looks over at the bedside stand, realizing that the lamp is still on. She reaches over to turn the light off, and notices her phone. Against her better judgment she decides to call Maura. She flips off the lamp, and tries to go back to sleep. She tosses, and turns until she gets comfortable. Finally she drifts back to sleep.

_She finds herself sitting on a park bench. She stares at the playground. A little girl with russet colored, shoulder length hair bounds towards her. She doesn't stop until she's on Jane's lap._

_"A little warning would be nice next time," Jane smiles._

_"Sorry."_

_The little girl starts to twirl her hair, "Stop it," Jane warns._

_"Stop what?"_

_"You always twirl your hair when something is bothering you. Just tell me what it is."_

_"You know that I'm six now."_

_"Yes I do. Your birthday party was on Saturday."_

_"And I've been thinking a lot."_

_"That's never good."_

_"I've got a lot of questions."_

_"You always have."_

_"You're not my real mom," she points out._

_"Haven't we had this discussion?"_

_"Yes but..."_

_"But what?"_

_"What did I do wrong?"_

_"When?"_

_"Why did she give me to you?"_

_"You don't like me? You don't want to be with me? Is that it?"_

_"No."_

_"You know you're stuck with me. I'm the only person that was close to her. There is no other option."_

_"Why didn't she want me?"_

_"Why would you think that?"_

_"She left me."_

_"She didn't think that she could give you everything you needed. She did what she thought was best."_

_"Am I ever going to see her, or meet her?"_

_"I don't know. I wish that I had an answer."_

_"Why didn't she love me? Whatever I did wrong... I can fix it."_

_"You didn't do anything wrong. There is nothing wrong with you."_

_"So why couldn't she love me?"_

_"She did," Jane answers._


	12. Intruder

Jane finds herself at Maura's door at four in the morning. She stands at the door, contemplating how to get it. She looks at the door, and then to the keypad outside the door. A light bulb goes off in her head. She slides the cover off the keypad, and punches in six numbers. She hears the door unlock. She steps inside, closing, and locking the door behind her. She punches the same six digits into the keypad inside the house. She turns around, and finds Maura just a few inches away.

"What are you doing? It's four o'clock in the morning."

"Sorry?"

"Jane why would you break into my house in the middle of the night?"

"I didn't break in. I used the code."

"How do you know the code?"

"I guessed."

"Jane..."

"You're upset?"

"It's four o'clock in the morning."

"You were sleeping?"

"No."

"So why does it matter?"

"If I had a gun I could have shot you."

"Do you have a gun?"

"I figured if I did you'd just come take it."

"Yeah, because you don't know how to use one, and you'd hurt yourself, or someone else."

"I don't need a lecture on gun safety."

"But I do need to talk to you."

"Fine," Maura agrees as she flips on the light in the kitchen. "How long is this going to take?" Maura questions.

"I'm not sure."

"Should I make coffee, or not?"

"Probably," Jane admits.

Maura turns on the coffeemaker, and Jane takes a seat on a barstool at the counter. Maura leans against the other side of the counter. She rests her elbows and forearms on the counter top. She looks up at Jane, waiting for her tot begin.

"I had terrible dreams."

"That's what was so important?" Maura questions in a semi-livid state.

"Yes."

"You couldn't tell me about your dreams at work? Or in the morning?"

"It is morning."

"Not until the sun is up," Maura argues.

"Have you been asleep at all?" Jane queries.

"Yes, why?"

"You're awfully cranky."

"What do you expect?"

"I know you're upset with me right now, but you need to listen to me."

"Fine," she agrees, crossing her arms across her chest.

"I like your pajamas by the way," Jane teases.

Maura looks down and realizes she's wearing a grey Red's t-shirt that cuts off just above the knee.

"Sorry. I wasn't expecting company. I would have put on pants if I had known you were coming."

"No I like it. I just never picture you as a Cincinnati Red's baseball fan."

"I'm not," she admits.

"So why are you wearing the shirt?"

"I was hot, and all of my other pajamas fit funny."

"Where did you get that shirt?"

"TED," she answers.

"Ted? Is that an ex or..."

"No. I won it from TED FM when I went to Cincinnati once," she yawns.

"You were three hundred pounds at the time?"

"It was the only size they had. It's been lying in a drawer for three years."

"Right."

"So why are you here?" Maura re-directs.

"My dreams."

"About?"

"I had dreams that concern you," Jane reveals.

"I was in your dreams?"

"No. I didn't say that."

"You just said that..."

"But you weren't in them."

"So how do they concern me?"

"Um..." Jane stares at the coffeepot. Maura follows her line of sight. Without a word Maura grabs a mug from the cabinet, and pours Jane a cup of coffee. She sits the cup in front of Jane. Jane looks at the coffee, and then to Maura. Maura stares at her blankly.

"What?"

"I was just waiting."

"Waiting for what?"

"You to run to the sink to heave."

"Why would I do that?"

"You haven't been able to stand the smell of coffee, or anything with any amount of caffeine in it."

"Jane I'm fine."

"You're fine?" Jane furrows her brow.

"Uh huh."

"You don't feel nauseous?"

"No."

"It's a miracle," Jane rejoices.

Maura wipes sleep from her eyes, "It's about damn time," she replies.

Jane takes a sip of her coffee.

"You were going on about a dream," Maura reminds.

"Right."

"It concerned me, but I wasn't in it."

"Correct."

"Can you explain that?"

"I dreamt about..."

"About what?"

"Not what, who."

"Who? What?"

"I dreamt about a who."

"A who? In relation to me?"

"Yes."

"Who did you dream about?"

"Your daughter."

"I don't have a daughter," Maura answers.

Jane shakes her head. Maura's eyes travel to her stomach. "Right," she nods, "Continue."


	13. Decision

"What did you dream about her? If you dreamt that you were arresting her..."

"I didn't."

"So what then?"

"I dreamt that I was here. That she was here, but you weren't."

"What do you mean?"

"You left her."

"Jane..."

"Look the dreams... the exact details aren't important."

"What is?"

"I think that it would be a mistake for you to have this baby."

"I haven't..."

"You're running out of time. You're not going to be able to do anything. You're going to be stuck. Maura if you have her, we both know that you're going to keep that."

"We don't know that," Maura argues.

"You're going to be able to give her up for adoption? To have her, and completely disconnect? You really think that you can do that? Because that's what you're going to have to do."

Maura rubs her temples, "I don't know," she shrugs.

"You have to deal with this. I know you don't want to, but you can't just ignore it. You might love her, but you'll never get the thoughts out of the back of your mind."

"What thoughts?"

"You'll see her face, and picture him. You'll always associate her with him. You'll wonder if she's going to be like him. You'll wonder if you did all that you could for her. You'll try your hardest, but you may never get over the resentment. She's going to be born innocent, but she already has a cross to bear. If something goes wrong you're going to ask yourself if it was your fault, was it the way you raised her, or was it inevitable because of her genetics."

Maura stops her, "You're wrong."

"Am I?"

Maura shakes her head, and purses her lips. She looks away, and exhales loudly.

"Maura..."

She turns around, and looks at Jane through tears, "No," she answers shamefully. "What do you want me to do?"

"I just want you to deal with this, because it's not going away. You can't ignore it and expect it to go away."

"I know."

"So what are you going to do?"

"What would you do?"

"You don't like hypothetical's," Jane reminds her.

"I want to know. What would you do?"

"I wish I knew."

"You do know. I can see you going over it in your mind every time you look at me."

"I couldn't punish someone for being a victim of shitty circumstances. But I don't know if I could look at her everyday for the rest of my life. I wouldn't want to see his face..."

"You already do."

"She'd never have the kind of life I wanted for her. She'd always feel inadequate."

"Why do you say that?"

"In my dream you left her. She was maybe eighteen months old, and you just left her. You left her with me."

"Who else would I leave her with? You're my best friend."

"That's not the issue. In the other dream."

"Other dream? There were two?"

"Yeah. In the other dream she was about six, and we were at the park. She came up to me and asked why you didn't love her. She asked my what she did wrong, what she could do differently to make her love you."

"Jane it was just a dream."

"I've never seen you interact with a kid. I can't imagine you having one of your own," Jane adds.

"I know."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't be here, it's not my place. It's your decision."

"You're right to worry. You're my best friend. Jane you're the only person I have. I don't have any family, or other friends... not really. Hypothetically, if I had her, and anything happened to me..."

"You'd leave her with me?"

"Do you not want that responsibility?"

"I didn't say that."

"What would I say to her?"

"What do you mean?"

"She'd ask. She'd want to know why all she had was me. What would I say?"

"You can't base your relationship with your child on lies, because they'll turn around and lie to you."

"So you'd tell her?"

"I'd lie. About that, I'd lie, until she was old enough to understand, or he was dead."

"True evil never dies."

"Maura what are you going to do?"

"The appointment is tomorrow."

"Tomorrow as in today, or..."

"Tomorrow."

"So you're going to go through with it?"

"You're right. I've tried to picture it, but... I'm too selfish, and no child deserves to be born into these circumstances. I'd love to think that I could do it, but I've got to be rational. There's just no way. Not to mention I have no idea how to take care of a baby."

"That would be... a mess."

"Maybe if I could give it to you until it was time for her to go away to college."

"What makes you think I know how to take care of a kid?"

"You don't?"

"I'm just asking why you think that."

"I can just tell."

"So are you going to need a ride?"

"To work?"

"To your appointment?"

"If you want to go with me."

"I can wait in the car."

"That's fine."

Jane's phone rings. She talks for a few seconds, and then looks at Maura.

"Where's your phone?"

"In the bedroom why?"

Maura's phone starts to ring.

"We've got a murder to solve," Jane answers.


	14. If I Had Only Known

Jane's car is parked against the curb. She reads a magazine, and watches the clock. She flips through the pages of the magazine, and then looks at the building to her right.

"I feel like I'm on a stakeout," she murmurs to herself.

Someone pecks on the passenger's side window. Jane looks up from her magazine, and hits the unlock button on her door panel. She passes the magazine off.

"I can't read while you're driving."

"Just hold it."

"Ok," she agrees.

"That didn't take long."

"Nope," she replies.

"I feel like your chauffer. Where do you want me to take you?"

"Lunch. I'm hungry."

Jane furrows her brow. "You're hungry? That's not the response I expected."

"What did you expect?"

"I feel like crap, take me home."

"I'm fine."

"Is this you putting up the wall of denial again?"

"No," Maura shakes her head.

"You really want to eat after that?" Jane raises her eyebrow.

"I'm a medical examiner nothing can curb my appetite."

"I know but..."

"I'm starving, can we talk about this later?"

Jane puts the key into the ignition, but she doesn't turn the car on.

"Jane!"

Jane looks at Maura suspiciously. "Please tell me that..."

"You're wrong?" Maura guesses.

"I didn't even finish my thought."

"Did you really have too?"

"I guess not, since you seem to know what I'm thinking today."

"Jane can we please just go."

"Maura..."

"I didn't go through with it."

"You didn't?"

"I couldn't."

"You couldn't? Please explain."

"I tried. I wanted to, but..." tears start to form, "I couldn't do it."

"What changed your mind? Please tell me that it wasn't something Dr. Douchebag said."

"It wasn't."

"It wasn't something I said was it?"

"No. It had nothing to do with you."

"So why'd you change your mind?"

_Only twenty minutes earlier she had walked into the clinic. She took a seat in the waiting room. The receptionist notified her that they were running a little behind. She picked up a magazine, and began reading. She never cared much for Time magazine, but she needed something to get her mind off the situation at hand. She didn't want to think about what she had to do. She knew that she had to do it, there was no other valid option. It was the best for everyone. Her mind was made up. Sure there was a little doubt, but she felt sure of her decision. She knew that she couldn't take it back, and that she may feel a little guilty, but it didn't matter. A little guilt was better than a lifetime of misery. She checked her watch. The watch revealed she had been waiting for ten minutes. She jiggled her leg nervously. Yes, this was the right decision. Jane was right. She didn't want to have to look at that child everyday, and be reminded. _

_That child, a girl. A tiny, unborn, girl. A little girl whose genetics were made up in half by a malignant, evil, soulless, demon. Half. Half of her genetics. The other half were... Maura took a breath, and returned her train of thought to the magazine. Suddenly her attention is diverted. She looked at her stomach in disbelief. "You've got to be kidding me," she muttered under her breath. She felt it again. It just felt like a flutter, but she knew exactly what it was. It was that tiny, unborn baby girl. Her tiny, unborn, baby, girl. _

_The receptionist repeated her previous statement. Maura finally registered, that the woman was speaking to her. She placed the magazine on the table, and looked up. She shook her head, "I can't do this," she admitted._

"So why'd you change your mind?" Jane repeats.

"She moved," Maura chokes out as tears fill her eyes to the brim.

"What are you talking about?"

"She moved," Maura whispers.

"She moved? What does that mean? The doctor moved?"

Maura shakes her head as tears trail down her cheeks, "The baby," she rasps.

Jane opens the console, and pulls out a pack of kleenex. She hands it to Maura. "Here."

"What's wrong with me? I should have been able to do it. I don't want to have a baby. I don't want to spend the rest of my life raising..." her voice cracks.

"Your rapists baby," Jane finishes the sentence.

"That's what I kept thinking..."

"But?"

"She's mine too."

"I know."

"She didn't do anything wrong."

"Are you sure that this is what you want to do?"

"I just know what I don't want to do."

"That's a start."

"I shouldn't feel this way. I should have been able to do it. What's wrong with me?"

"Maura there's nothing wrong with you. And why shouldn't you feel that way?"

"Because it's irrational. How do I have an emotional attachment to something that..."

"Because she's yours."

"She's my unborn fetus?"

"Maura it's ok to feel like you're crazy right now. You've been through a lot."

"I just don't understand."

"Maybe it has something to do with the fact that you've got her growing inside of you. Maybe that's where the emotional attachment comes in," Jane suggests.

"How did you know?"

"Know what?"

"What decision I'd make before I made it?"

"Because I know you."

"I am me."

"You don't always see yourself as clearly as everyone else sees you."

"I guess this means that I'm having a baby."

"I guess so."


	15. Head On

She stares at Maura, but says nothing. Instead, she simply takes a bite of her sandwich. Maura doesn't look up. She stares at her plate. She waits for the lecture for Jane to declare that she's making a mistake. But Jane doesn't say a single word, she just eats her food, quietly, from the other side of the table.

Maura decides to break the silence, "Jane..."

"You don't have to say anything."

"I do."

Jane doesn't look at her, instead she stares out the window. She waits for Maura to continue.

"There's no right choice here, no easy, obvious one, at least. I just know that I never would have been able to get over it. I know you think that it's irrational, and you're probably right, but..." Maura trails off.

Jane can hear the lump forming in Maura's throat. Maura pushes through, "I never would have stopped wondering who she would be."

"Maura this is not a biology experiment," Jane censures.

"I know."

"And it's not an experiment in sociology. It's not an experiment, it's not science, it's not facts, or statistics. This is something entirely different."

"I know."

"What if you change your mind? Maybe not tomorrow, or the next day, or next week, what if it's a year from now, or five years from now? It'll be too late. You're not good at asking for help. What if you wake up one morning and realize that you made a huge mistake? That you've condemned an innocent child to a life of sorrow, and guilt for simply being alive?"

"Jane..."

"I'm not trying to make you feel bad, I'm just trying to get you to understand."

"Why do you care so much?"

"I'm a cop," Jane answers simply.

"I'm not sure what you're point is."

"I see what happens when a girl who doesn't feel loved, or wanted, turns into a woman. I've seen it too many times Maura. They end up in jail, or dead. The lucky ones simply just lead their lives completely broken, and beat down by life."

"I'm sorry."

Maura's statement strikes Jane. Jane's head shoots up. She looks at Maura.

"Why?"

"You act like it's my fault."

"I never said that. And I apologize if I insinuated that. I guess I just don't understand."

"I know, but one day you will."

"You know that this is going to get really complicated, right?"

"What do you mean?"

"You've got to stay out of the press at all costs."

"Why?"

"Things get out Maura. People are cruel..."

"What are you saying?"

"All it takes is one sneaky reporter to make your life a spectacle."

"What are you saying?"

"If they found out..."

"Jane..."

"Look just stay out of the press."

"No one is going to find out."

"Maura you're going to have to start dealing with this. You've got to be prepared for the questions."

"Why? Maybe I'll just take a leave of absence."

"Yeah, that'll go over well. People will have a hay-day with that."

"Why does anyone have to know anything?"

"You think you're going to hide this? There's no way."

"Why not?"

"Maura you're getting ready to cross into territory in which you cannot return from."

"Meaning?"

"Soon there will be no denying your condition, it gets harder every day."

"Denying it to who? Jane what aren't you telling me?"

"Nothing," Jane lies as she sips her coffee.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm not the only one who knows," she admits.

"What do you mean?" Maura's expression immediately changes.

"I was caught off guard. I didn't know what to say."

"To who? Who did you tell?"

"I didn't really tell. He already knew."

"Who?"

"Frost."

"Frost?"

"He noticed that you were acting differently, and..."

"And what?"

"He asked me if you were."

"And you told him?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't..."

"It's ok. Jane you don't have to protect me. I know that you're a cop and that you feel the need to protect everyone around you, but sooner or later I'm going to have to be able to take care of myself."

"I just don't want you to..."

"We both know that it's too late for that."

"Yeah," Jane agrees.

"Can you take me home?"

"You're really gonna take the day off? You never take any time off."

"I need some time. I can't deal with the dead today. Today I've got to face reality, I have to deal with the living."

"Ok," Jane agrees.

Weeks pass. Maura wakes up one morning to her alarm. She flips on the lamp next to her bed. She yawns, and tosses aside the covers. It stares up at her. She lies frozen, just staring. Even under her loosely fitting pajama top it was becoming painstakingly obvious. She gets out of bed, and wanders over to the mirror. She stands in front of the full length mirror for a long time. Front on it wasn't too bad. She turns to her side to study her profile. It was all to noticeable. Her bump, there was no denying. Her stomach was growing larger every day. Her hips were widening, and her breasts... they were enormous.

When she arrives at the morgue Jane is waiting on her. Jane stares at her watch, not looking up as Maura enters the room. "You're late," Jane scolds.

"Sorry I couldn't find anything to wear."

"When you tell me to be ready for autopsy at eight I expect you'll be ready to go by eight, not strolling through the door at nine thirty," Jane stares at her phone.

"Sorry I had an errand I had to run."

Jane looks up from her phone. Maura stares down at her. "You're giving up so soon? I thought that you'd suffer through until at least month eight."

"I had nothing to wear, and I'm tired of trying to be creative. I'm tired of hiding. I don't care who knows."

As if on cue Barry Frost walks through the door. He looks at Maura, then to Jane. Finally his eyes land on Dr. Isles. He stares at her face, not her stomach, "Morning Dr. Isles," he smiles, awkwardly.


	16. What Happens, Happens

Maura takes a moment to study his face. He smiles widely, trying his hardest not to shift his glance to her burgeoning belly. Finally he shifts his glance to Jane.

"Purple is a good color for you Dr. Isles," Frost comments.

"That's all you're going to say?"

"Uh huh," he nods.

"Frost," Jane scolds.

"I'm not going to ask," Frost replies.

"It's ok."

"I don't have to ask," Frost clarifies, "I can do math."

"If you have something to say, say it," Maura implores.

"It's not my place to say anything. It's not my place to pass any judgment, or express any opinions. This is your decision. No one else's thoughts matter."

"I would appreciate your thoughts," Maura admits.

"Honestly, I think that you're crazy. Not just because of the circumstances."

"What do you mean?" Maura questions.

Jane eyes Frost carefully hoping that he doesn't cross the line. "I think that it's crazy to bring any child into the world right now. No matter what the circumstances are."

"Frost you don't have to hold back. It's ok," Maura replies.

"Aren't you afraid?"

"Of what specifically?"

"Science. Aren't you afraid that science might win."

"Why would I be afraid of that?"

"Because of genetics. What if nature means more than nurture? Aren't you afraid that..."

"I'm going to end up with a demonic spawn?"

Barry nods. Jane watches the exchange from the sidelines. "The thought has crossed my mind. But I'm going to do my best to keep that from happening. Even if... I hope that I can make a difference, but if I can't...," she trails off.

"Can you handle that? Are you really telling me that if one day you sit in a court room on the opposite side of your child because of something he did... you'll..."

"I'm all she has. I guess I'm going to have to learn... how to love someone unconditionally."

"What if you can't? What if you can't bring yourself to overcome..."

"Frost what would you expect me to do? You think I can't do this?"

"Why does it matter?"

"I want to know."

"Maura," Jane interjects, "You'll love her no matter what."

"What if everyone else is right? What if I can't? What if I look at her and I can't love her? What if I can't feel anything for my own child. What if she spends her whole life knowing that I never loved her, that the only person she had, didn't love her? What if I can't love her?" Maura asks through tears.

Jane shakes her head. "Maura you already do," she speaks softly.

"I..."

"You already do."

"Dr. Isles," Frost begins, "Other people might question your motives. Other people might not see who you really are. To them you're the queen of the dead. But we know better. We know who you really are. And so do you. Obviously you're scared of the unknown, but you'll get through it."

She stares at Frost silently, her mouth gaping open. Jane too has her eyes locked on him. No one says anything for a long time. The silence is broken by the sound of footsteps coming towards them. Korsak steps into the room. He takes a moment to study the three people in the room. Two wear totally stunned expressions. The other's cheeks burn with redness. He then shifts his gaze to Maura. He stares at her for a long time.

"Vince..." Jane warns.

"Frost what did you do?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Why are your cheeks so red? What did you do?"

"Nothing," he says quietly.

"Why are you down here?" Jane questions.

"We've got another case and you two yahoos left your phones upstairs."

"Oh."

Jane starts out of the room, and Frost follows. Jane turns as she reaches the doorway.

"You coming?" she asks.

"In a minute," Korsak answers.

Maura locks eyes with Korsak. She knew the older man had something to say. He always did. She waits for him to speak.

"Maura this isn't some kind of science experiment."

"I know," she replies softly.

"I should have killed the bastard when I had the chance."

"You..."

"I do mean that. I wish that I had. Then he would never have been able to hurt anyone again. He never would have been able to get into your head, and Jane's head like he has if he was dead."

"I don't think you could have stopped him from being in the back of Jane's mind."

"But I could have prevented this."

"You think that this is wrong? That I shouldn't be doing this?"

"I think that you should do whatever you want."

"But?"

"I couldn't do it. Not knowing, what I know. I'd worry too much."

"It's a girl," Maura clarifies.

"Still. Everyday I'd worry that I wouldn't be able to protect her. To keep her from the evil in the world. The evil like him. There's a lot of evil in this world Maura."

"I know that."

"And no matter how hard you try you can't protect her from all of it."

"So what do I do?"

"What we all do."

"What's that?" she questions.

"Our best. That's all we can do."

"What if my best isn't good enough?"

"Are you doubting your decision?" Korsak queries.

"Everyday I ask myself if I did the right thing. Everyday I wonder if I made a mistake. I can't take it back if I did. It's not like some dress that I can return if I don't like it. It's a life, a child that I'm going to have for the rest of my life. What if I ruin her? What if I screw it up? I'm not maternal. I have no idea what to do with a child, let alone a totally dependant infant. All I know is that I have to live with this decision for the rest of my life."

"You can change your mind."

"It's too late to..."

"Obviously, but that doesn't mean you have to raise her. Maybe you're not supposed to. Just have faith that things will work out the way they're supposed to."

"I can't. I don't know how to have faith. I know how to plan. But..."

"Just let it happen, how it happens," he advises.


	17. Escape

Jane sits across the table from Maura. Maura tries to eat her lunch in peace.

"Why do you keep looking at me?" Maura asks, not looking up from her plate.

"Sorry."

"What's wrong?"

"Maura you're having a baby in six weeks."

"I know," she sighs.

"Do you have anything for her?"

"No," she answers.

"You can't deny that she's coming, any longer."

"I know."

"You have to get ready."

"I know," she answers.

Jane's phone rings.

"Rizzoli. What would that be? Oh, I see. Yeah. I'm with her now. Ok," she hangs up.

"We've got a case?"

"Not exactly," Jane shakes her head.

"What's going on?"

"Get your stuff," Jane answers.

"Where are we going?"

"I'll explain in the car."

After an hour and ten minutes the car ride ends. In the middle of nowhere, Jane pulls to a halt next to a log cabin. She ushers Maura out of the car, and into the building. Frost waits on them.

"You said you were going to tell me what's going on. Are you going to tell me, or not?"

"Have a seat," Jane points to the couch. Maura sinks into the couch.

Frost stares out the window. Jane looks at Maura, silently.

"Jane?"

"Maura there is a little problem."

"I got that when you put me in the car, and drove out of Boston at ninety miles an hour. What's going on?"

"There has been a little..." she pauses. She looks to Frost, "I can't tell her, you do it," she directs at him.

He nods, and trades her places. He takes a seat on the coffee table in front of Maura.

"Dr. Isles you are going to be in protective custody until further notice."

"Why?"

"It seems that Hoyt saw you on the news."

"So?"

"He knows," Frost points out.

"He knows?" she questions.

"Yes," Frost nods.

Maura suddenly finds it difficult to breathe.

"Where is he?"

"They don't know," Frost answers.

"What do you mean, they don't know?"

"He left a note in his cell..."

Jane steps in, "What it said doesn't really matter. All that matters is keeping you safe."

"What did it say?" Maura demands to know.

Jane looks to Frost, who nods. "Dr. Isles, I think that it's best if you don't know."

"Tell me," her nostrils flare.

"The note said, 'Tell Maura that I'm coming for what is mine.' The important thing is to know that we're not going to let that happen."

"Was that all it said?" Maura questions.

"Yes," Frost lies.

Jane takes a seat next to Maura on the couch, "So that means we've got plenty of quality time to spend together. We can come up with a name for the baby."

Frost gets up from the coffee table. He walks over to kitchen, and grabs a book off the counter. He tosses it at Jane. She grabs it, and hands it to Maura.

"Frost got this for you," Jane offers the baby name book to Maura.

"Does it matter what her name is, if she's dead?"

"That's not going to happen."

"He'll probably just kill me, and turn her into a monster."

"Maura that's not going to happen."

"You don't know that," she argues.

"We aren't going to let anyone hurt you, or the baby."

"Name her Jane, she'll be tough as nails," Frost suggests.

"Name her Barry, and she'll vomit when she smells blood," Jane counters.

"It doesn't matter what you name her, but she does need a name," Barry points out.

"So you can have a name for the amber alert?" Maura questions.

"Maura, listen to me, Hoyt is not going to get within a mile of you, or the baby, ever."

"Why don't you two just pick something? If it's that important to you."

Barry looks at Jane, "I guess we could come up with some suggestions."

"Do you already have your 2.1 future children named?" Jane questions.

"No, but there are some names that I like."

"Boy names?" Jane questions.

"No there are girls names I like too."

"Like what? Bunny? Cinnamon? Starlight?"

"Ha ha. I'm serious."

"Let him tell us his names," Maura insists.

"Ok, go ahead Frost," Jane nods.

"I've always liked the name Emma."

"No," Maura vetoes quickly.

"There are too many Emma's in this world," Jane argues.

"Mattie?" Frost offers.

"As in Madison, or Madeline, or..." Jane begins.

"Just Mattie," Frost answers.

"No. Mattie is a nickname, not a name," Maura argues.

"What about Hope?" Frost offers.

"I don't know. It's ok, I guess."

"She's going to need a tough name," Jane points out.

"Like what?" Frost questions.

"I don't know. Sloane. Or..."

"Xena, warrior princess?" Frost jokes.

"What is wrong with Xena?" Jane questions.

"Nothing, if she's having a puppy. Can you really picture a little girl named Xena?"

"Ok, Frost, you've made your point. Xena's out."

"It has to be something simple," Maura adds.

"Patience? A virtue that Jane knows nothing about," Frost smiles.

"Grace, something Frost knows nothing about," Jane counters.

"And you do?" Frost scowls.

"What about Justice?" Jane offers.

"Justice? Is ok," Maura admits.


	18. Life

"Dr. Isles why do you look so tense?" Frost questions.

"I'm fine," she answers.

"Maura?" Jane stares at her.

"I'm fine."

"Please tell me that you're not having contractions," Jane begs.

"Ok," Maura winces.

"How long have you been having contractions?" Frost answers.

"Since this morning. I thought that they were just braxton-hicks."

"They're not, are they?" Jane raises an eyebrow.

"They don't go away."

"Should we start out for the hospital?" Frost questions.

"Do you want to deliver a baby tonight?" Maura retorts.

"How much time do we have?" Jane questions.

"I don't know. The contractions are about six minutes apart, but they're getting a lot closer, and a lot more painful, very quickly."

"Didn't you tell me last week that she was in the breech position?" Jane inquires.

"Yes," Maura nods.

"This is just great. Maure why didn't you tell me, before we left Boston?"

"I'm sorry Jane."

They grab their things, and jump into the car. Maura climbs into the backseat. Frost sits up front with Jane. Jane drives like a maniac, until she makes it to the hospital. She ushers Maura in, and insists that the doctor comes to see her immediately. The nurse checks her vital signs, and does an exam, and the doctor appears moments later.

"We're going to take her for an emergency c-section," the doctor reveals.

"I have to go with her."

"Ma'am..."

"Look I understand how serious this is, but I have to go with her. She is in protective custody."

"Then suit up," he suggests.

The nurse hands her a pair of scrubs. She quickly changes, and returns to Maura.

"Maura, are you ok?"

"Jane, I need you to do me a favor."

"What?"

"After the baby is born, go with her, even if they fight you, go with her."

"What if..."

"I think if he is going to try anything, it's going to be with the baby, not with me."

"Maura..."

"Jane, just promise."

"Ok."

Ten minutes later Jane is in an O.R. She sits next to Maura, who is out cold. For whatever reason the doctor had chosen to put her under, instead of giving her medication to numb her. The room is nearly silent, although it is filled with people. A nurse from the nursery stands in wait. A surgical tech hands the doctor his tools. A circulating nurse sits behind a desk, writing down every move the doctor makes. There are two other nurses, in the room, as well. Jane looks at Maura, who is completely oblivious to what is going on around her. All eyes shift to the doctor. Jane peers over the blue sheet. She watches as the doctor pulls the baby out, butt first. He hands the baby to a nurse. He quickly cuts the cord. Jane gets up, and walks around the table. She moves over to the nurse. She watches her as she places the grey baby into the incubator. She quickly suctions the baby, and turns her on her side. After the nurse suction the baby, she begins crying. She goes from grey, to pink, in a matter of seconds.

Jane follows Maura's wishes. She finds herself in the nursery, hovering over the baby, as the nurse performs her assessment. The nurse finishes her assessment, and begins wiping the baby off. She puts a diaper, and hat on the baby. She wraps the little girl in a clean blanket. She looks at Jane.

"What?"

The nurse holds up an orange bracelet. "This is for you."

"For me? I'm not..."

"You will be the only one allowed in the nursery, other than her mother."

"Oh," Jane allows the nurse to fasten the bracelet around her wrist.

"Do you have any questions?"

"Aren't you supposed to take her to the intensive care nursery, or something? I mean she is here six weeks before her due date."

"We move babies to the other nursery, based on how they are doing. She is breathing on her own. She isn't having any trouble breathing, so there is no reason she can't stay here."

"How big was she?"

"Five pounds."

"Maura is going to ask me a lot of questions, and I'm probably not going to know the answers."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because she's a doctor."

"When she wakes up, I'll go in with you. I'll answer all of her questions."

"I need to ask you a favor."

"What's that?"

"I need you to put a different I.D. bracelet on the baby."

"I can't do that, it's how we identify the patients."

"There is a psychopath, after Maura."

"You think that he will do something to the baby?"

"Like I said, he is a psychopath. He's smart, and... he is not afraid to do whatever he has to, to get what he wants."

"Someone is in here at all times. No one without a bracelet, or a hospital I.D. gets into this room. If we don't recognize one of the staff, security is immediately paged."

"That won't stop him."

Another nurse comes into the nursery. One of the nurses from the O.R.

"She's awake."

"She wants to see me?"

"Yes," the nurse nods.

Jane pulls out her phone, and snaps a picture of the baby. She looks up at the nurse.

"Can I take her with me?"

"We have to keep her in here, for observation, for at least two hours, before she can leave the nursery."

"Ok," Jane agrees.

She leaves the nursery, and walks down the hall. She goes into Maura's room. She finds Frost sitting by her bed. Maura looks up at Jane.

"You look a little disappointed."

"I thought you would bring her with you, I guess."

"She can't leave the nursery yet."

"How is she?"

"She's perfectly fine. All body parts are accounted for, and she's breathing without any help."

Jane hands Maura her phone.

"What's this for?"

Jane rolls her eyes, and presses a button, "See, she's fine."


	19. Out Of Sight

Maura stares at the picture of the baby, covered in slime. Slime wasn't the medical term, but that was basically what it was. The little girl looks up at the camera with big blue eyes. Her head is sparsely covered in dark hair.

"Do you want to see?" Maura offers the phone to Frost.

"Is she all slimy, and nasty?"

"So, what if she is?"

"I'll pass. I can see her once they get her all cleaned up."

"I just took a picture of her. She is all bundled up in her blanket, asleep in the basinet."

Maura goes to the next picture.

"So, how are you feeling?" Jane questions.

"Physically, mentally, or emotionally?"

"All of the above."

"I feel like I was just cut open, but how else would I feel? I was just sliced open."

"And..."

"And you should get back to the nursery, I don't want her out of your sight," Maura warns.

"Frost..."

"I'll stay here, with her," he promises.

Jane nods, and returns to the nursery. She pulls open the door, afraid that all hell might have broken loose in her absence. Instead she finds things exactly as she left them. She walks over to the basinet, against the wall. She finds the baby, just as she left her.

"You're awfully quiet," Jane comments.

The baby's eyes pop open, and look at her. Jane slips the baby out of the basinet, and into her arms. She takes a seat, in the rocking chair, in the corner of the room. The little girl stares up at her, with big, blue eyes.

"Now, you're wide awake. Tell me, what do you think so far?"

The little girl yawns.

"You can go to sleep, I won't mind," Jane answers.

"Jane?"

She looks up, at the nursery nurse, dressed in purple scrubs.

"Come on," she motions.

"Where are we going?"

"They'll both be out for a while, before long," the nurse comments.

"I thought that you said..."

"I did, but we can go in there for a minute. I mean she wasn't awake when she was born, she didn't even get to see her. I can't imagine if I were in the same situation."

Jane follows the nurse out of the room. The nurse pushes the empty basinet, and Jane carries the baby down the hall. The nurse pushes Maura's door open. Jane follows her in. Jane stops at Maura's bedside. She waits, for Maura's cue.

"Jane, give her to me," Maura reaches for the baby.

Jane places the infant into Maura's arms. Maura stares at the little girl. The little girl stares back.

"Hi," Maura smiles, "It's nice to finally meet you."

The baby's forehead wrinkles, and she begins to cry. Jane watches closely, waiting for the right moment to step in.

"Shh!" Maura muses, "You're ok."

The baby stops crying.

Hours later Jane sits in the nursery, holding the sleeping baby. She sits in the rocking chair, rocking, back and forth, putting herself to sleep. She closes her eyes, and drifts off. She later opens her eyes, and finds a nurse looking at her.

"Let me take her," the young nurse offers.

Jane nods, and loosens her grasp on the baby. The nurse places the baby into her basinet. The nurse returns to her desk, to work on paperwork.

Hours later she opens her eyes. She finds the same nurse, holding a baby. Jane stands up, and steps away from the chair. She stretches, and moves towards the nurse.

"How long was I asleep?"

"About four hours," the nurse reveals.

"You should have woken me up."

"You looked like you needed some sleep."

Jane nods, in agreement.

She looks around the nursery. She feels panic set in, as she notices that the basinet she is looking for is missing.

"Where is..."

"Calm down. She's in the room."

"Crap, Maura is going to kill me."

Jane exits the nursery, and jaunts down the hall, to Maura's room. She slips into Maura's room. She finds all the lights in the room off. The only light source is an IV pump. It gives off a nice fluorescent glow. Jane stops when she sees the empty basinet, next to Maura's bed. She feels her stomach doing flip flops.

"Jane, sit down, you don't need to hover, it is annoying."

"You're awake?"

"About half. Now sit down."

"But..."

"I sent Frost home."

"Why?"

"Just sit down, try and get some rest."

"I can't..."

"Jane, why do you sound so worried?"

"Because..."

"The baby is not in the nursery, or the basinet? I know that."

"I let her out of my sight."

"Yes."

"You know where she is, then?"

"I would hope so, since she is asleep in my arms."

"Oh."

"You thought that he had taken her?"

"I..."

"I am not going to let anything happen to her."

"Maura? Are you sure about this? Are you sure that you want to do this?"

"No," she replies candidly.

"So, then why are you?"

"It is the only way that I can protect her."

"You shouldn't have to worry about him taking her away from you."

"Jane, I'm scared to death that I am going to screw her up. I am terrified that everything that I can do, won't be enough, but..." she stops.

"But?"

"He is not going to take her from me. He is not going to steal her innocence."

"Maura..."

"You still don't think that I should do this?"

"No," she shakes her head.

"Why not?"

"I don't doubt that you love her, and I don't doubt that you can do this, or you that you would, I just don't think that you should."

"Why not?"

"Because you are always going to know who her...who the other half of her genetic make-up is, and... one day she will know too. She should never have to question, for a single second, if you love her, or not."

"I have to do this," Maura argues.

"Why? What are you trying to prove?"

"You think that I am trying to prove something?"

"I don't know, Maura. I don't know what you think, most of the time. I just know, what I think."

"And what is that?"

"How are you going to raise a child, with the job you do? How are you going to be there for her, with the hours she works. If she is going to spend more time with a nanny, than her own mother..."

"That's not going to happen."

"You love your job. You didn't slow down, for one second while you were pregnant. You put everything you have into your job. Maura when you go home, there is nothing there for her. You don't have a diaper, or a wipe, or a blanket. She doesn't have a crib, or anything. If she's not going to be your number one priority, you should be doing this."

"She is my only priority."

"So you're not going to drop by the office, the day you get out of here?"

"No."

"And as soon as your c-section heals, you won't be right back at work?"

"No."

"Really?"

"I have to do this, and I have to do it right. I will not give her the family that I had. I never cared about all of the things that my parents threw at me. I just wanted their love. That is what every child deserves."

"Can you really give her that, knowing, what you know?"

"Yes."

"You're sure?"

"I will need your help."

"With what?"

"Making the nightmare end."


	20. There Goes My Life

Maura sends the baby back to the nursery. She sends Jane down to get coffee. Jane returns ten minutes later, with coffee, and a Danish.

"You didn't bring me anything?" Maura questions.

"I have coffee for you," Jane points out, setting the second cup on the bedside stand.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. You should probably buy stock in coffee. You're going to be mainlining it, for the next several years."

"Probably."

"Maura?"

"Hm?"

"Are you really sure about this?"

"I don't have you convinced?"

"No. I think that it is a bad idea. I know that you don't like the other option, but I wish that you would at least think about it."

"That is a lot to ask, you know."

"Raising a child that is a product of rape, that is asking a lot."

"Do you always have to be so blunt?"

"Someone needs to be."

"Why are you so against this? It has nothing to do with you."

"Until you go off the deep end, and I have to pick up the pieces."

"Why would you have to pick up the pieces? You're not my keeper."

"No, but I'm your best friend."

"That doesn't mean that you have to pick up the pieces."

"Who else is going to do it? When you haven't slept for six days, and the baby won't stop crying, who are you going to call."

"I guess that I would probably call you."

"Exactly. You count on me. I have your back, but..."

"But?"

"I have a hard time supporting a decision that I think is wrong."

"Why are you so convinced that this is wrong? I have all the resources I need, to provide her with a happy childhood."

"Money will not buy her a happy childhood."

"Why don't you understand?"

"Everyday I carry around reminders of what he did to me. It isn't half as bad as what he did to me. I look at the reminders every single day. I have to think about it, every single day. It isn't easy. My reminder is just a couple of scars. Your reminder is a child. How are you going to look at her, for everyday, for the rest of your life, and not resent her. You might think that you can, but you can't."

"My whole life I wondered why I wasn't good enough. What I did, that my birth mother, didn't want me."

"You didn't do anything."

"I know that now, but I don't ever want her to think that. I don't ever want her to feel the way that I felt."

"So it is better to keep her? To send your whole life trying to love her, when you can't."

"You don't know that."

"And you don't know that you can."

"I do."

"If you love her, you wouldn't do this."

"I am done having this conversation."

"Ok. I will go check on her."

"Fine," Maura crosses her arms.

Jane takes her cup of coffee, and half eaten danish, down the hallway. She steps into the nursery. She notices the nurse resting her head on the desk.

"Aren't you supposed to be keeping an eye on the babies?" Jane asks. She elicits no response. She moves closer. She notices a pool of blood on the desk. She presses her fingers to the nurses neck. No pulse. She moves towards the sea of newborns. She finds an empty basinet. She rushes over to the phone. She calls security.

"Lock the hospital down, now. We have a missing baby," she hangs up.

She calls her partner. Before she can make it back to Maura's room, the hospital is surrounded by cruisers. Barry heads down to security, to watch the video footage. The rest of the officers sweep the hospital.

Jane steps into Maura's room, closing the door behind her. Maura looks up at her.

"What's going on out there? What's all the commotion? Jane! Answer me! What is going on?"

"He's got her."

"How did he get in here? How did he..."

"It's my fault."

"Go. Jane, you have to find her."

"Are you sure?"

"I'll be fine," she insists.

Jane leaves the room, and heads down to meet Barry Frost. She finds him with security, combing through surveillance videos. She takes a seat next to Barry. He starts the footage. She watches closely.

Hoyt sneaks into the nursery, as a repairman. He uses someone else's badge. He smiles at the nurse, and then shoots her in the head. He looks through the sea of babies. He finds the one that he is looking for. He stands over her basinet, and waves at the camera. He picks her up. He opens the drawer, beneath the basinet, and pulls out diapers, wipes, and bottles. He slips them into the pocket of his bag. He then puts her into his bag, and leaves the nursery. They follow the footage, out of the nursery, down the hall, to the elevator. From the elevator to the garage. He gets into a car, and speeds away.

"This isn't really his M.O," Barry points out.

"This time he has something that he wants to keep alive," Jane responds.

"And what is he planning on doing with her?"

"We just have to find him," she answers.

"And if we can't?" Frost probes.

"That's not an option."

"Jane if we can't find him..." Barry begins.

"We have to find him. We have to find that baby."

"And how are we supposed to do that?"

"By any means necessary. Do you have a Bolo out on the car?"

"Yes. I also have a road block being put up at every exit."

"It's probably too late."

"Jane, we'll get him."

"He doesn't make mistakes," he reminds her.

"Jane, there's something I need to tell you."

"What's that?"

"We had a microchip embedded in the baby's hospital I.D. bracelet."

"So you can track her?"

"We tracked the bracelet to the dumpster, on the way out of the parking garage."

"Did you look for the baby?"

"He has her."

"Are you sure about that?"


	21. Selfless

Jane makes her way to the parking garage. Barry Frost follows behind her. They make their way over to a set of dumpsters.

"What are we looking for? You can't really think that he left the baby."

"I don't know what to think."

"Where should we start?"

"Shh!"

"Why are you shhing me? What are you listening for?"

"Just listen," Jane insists.

"Jane she is not in one of these dumpsters. We looked through them, already."

"Just be quiet," she snaps.

She listens. She points to a trashcan, a hundred yards away. She moves towards it. Barry follows behind her.

"Jane we are wasting time. She is not here. He has her."

She reaches the trashcan. She pulls off the lid. She finds Hoyt's bag, lying on top of all of the trash. She quickly pulls on the gloves, that she has in her pocket. She pushes the bag open. She sighs in relief, when she sees the sleeping baby, inside. She lifts the baby out of the bag. Frost collects the bag. He looks inside.

"He left a note," Barry reveals.

"Read it," Jane insists.

"Maura, I hope you don't get too attached. Next time I'll come to your house. I'll slip her out of her crib, as your sleeping. When you wake up, she'll be gone. Next time you won't find her. Hoyt."

"Just another reason she shouldn't keep her."

They return to the hospital. Jane drops the baby in the nursery, with a pediatrician, to be examined. Frost returns to security. A uniformed officer stays in the nursery with the baby. Jane heads to Maura's room.

"Did you find Hoyt?"

"No. We're still looking for him."

"And the baby?"

"We found her. He left her in a garbage can, in the parking garage. She's in the nursery now, with a uni, and a pediatrician."

"Why would he take her, and then leave her."

"He wanted you to know that he can take her, any time that he wants. He left a note. I don't think that this will be the last time that he tries."

"Is she ok?"

"She looked fine."

"That isn't what I asked."

"Maura, I don't know. The doctor is in there, with her, now."

"I'm never going to get away from him, am I?"

She shrugs, "I don't know."

"What aren't you saying?"

"Do you really want her to spend her whole life, living in fear? You don't want her to grow up being afraid that he might break into your house, in the middle of the night, and take her. How are you ever going to sleep? You can't sit up all night, and watch her. That's crazy."

"I will protect her, in any way that I can."

"But you can't. Maura you can't protect her. Not from him. Not from the world."

"What do you want me to do?"

"You already know."

"I..."

"I can't have a patrol car sit outside your house every night, for the next eighteen years."

"I know."

"Maura you have to make a choice."

"I already did."

"Maybe you should rethink it."

"Where is my phone?"

Jane opens the drawer of the bedside stand. Maura takes the phone out.

"I'm going to go check on the baby," Jane excuses herself.

When she steps into the nursery the doctor is washing her hands. Jane waits for her to finish.

"So? What did you find?"

"Nothing. I found nothing. He didn't do anything to her."

"So she's ok?"

"She's fine," the doctor confirms.

The pediatrician leaves the room. Jane stands over the baby's basinet. She watches the sleeping baby. She doesn't notice her partner enter the room.

"Jane," he says softly.

She looks up at him. "Hm?"

"Maura wants to see you."

"Does she want me to bring the baby?"

"No," he shakes his head, "She said that she just wanted to see you."

"Ok."

"I'll stay with her," Barry smiles, ignoring the uniformed officer, standing in the corner.

"Ok," Jane agrees.

She leaves the nursery, and returns to Maura's room. She takes a seat, in the chair next to her bed. Maura's phone lays on the bedside table. She looks at Jane. Jane waits for her to speak. Jane notices how tired Maura looks. Her face is pale, and there are dark circles under her eyes. It wasn't a good look for her.

"Jane, I'm sorry."

"Sorry? What do you have to be sorry for?"

"Not listening to you. You were right. I should have known that what you were telling me was true. You were trying to protect me. Mostly, from myself."

"Sometimes you are your own worst enemy, Maura."

"I know that."

"So who did you call?"

"A friend, from Florida."

"Oh?"

"We went to college together."

"You two are close?"

"No," she shakes her head, "But I trust her. She's a lawyer. I had her draw up papers for me. She's going to fax them to me."

"Papers, what papers?"

"Adoption papers."

"Adoption papers? Are you sure? Five minutes ago you were hell bent on keeping her."

"I was wrong. I can't keep her. If I want her to be safe, I can't. If I want her to have a normal childhood, I can't."

"Your lawyer friend, does she have candidates?"

"Her sister, and brother in-law."

"And you're ok with that?"

"I've met them. They're good people. They deserve this."

"Are you sure?"

"I have to do this, for her."

"Do you want me to go get her?"

"No. It's better if you don't. They'll be flying out in a couple of hours. They'll take her back with them, as soon as she's released."

"Why the complete 180?"

"I'm never going to be able to love her, unconditionally, no matter how hard I try. The thought of her conception, it creeps into my mind, every time I see her. I can't put myself through that. I won't put her through that, for the rest of her life. It's better this way. They'll love her. They want her. They will give her more, than I ever can."

"You didn't make this decision because of me, did you?"

"Maybe a little."

"This is your decision."

"I know. This is the right decision. This is the best thing I can do for her."

"Ok, as long as you're sure."

"I am."

"Ok," Jane nods.


End file.
